Last First Kiss
by caremkefo
Summary: University/College AU: Cas and Dean share a dorm room. One night Dean comes in drunk and asks what Cas's first kiss was like.


"What was your first kiss like?"

Castiel's eyes never left the bottle of beer in Dean's hand as his friend and roommate collapsed onto his bed, taking it from him before it spilt all over his revision notes.

"What?" he asked, able to give Dean his full attention now that the bottle was sitting on his bedside table and out of Dean's drunken grasp.

"Your first kiss. What was is like?"

Castiel froze. At twenty-three he knew he was well past the usual age of first kisses first times and, with every passing month, knew that it would get harder to admit as much to whomever might express an interest in the future. Though, given the lack of interest anyone had shown him since he reached the age of sexual curiosity, he wasn't sure it would be any time soon. "It was... wet," he settled for. He imagined that to be somewhat close to the truth of any kiss involving the exchange of saliva.

Dean laughed. "You mean it was raining? Or was it in the swimming pool? Or in the locker room showers?"

"Yes."

"Which one?"

"I was showering off after swimming and it was raining outside."

Dean stared at him for a long moment. "You're pulling my leg," he said finally, sitting up and reaching across Cas for his beer. "You could've just told me to mind my own damn business."

"I'd tell you anything," Cas told him. "You know that. Some things are just... harder to admit."

"'M not gonna judge you. You're my best mate."

"And you're mine," Cas told him.

"Is it 'cause it was a guy?"

Castiel rolled his eyes and started to tidy away his notes, because he wasn't going to get much studying done when Dean was in so talkative a mood. "No."

"So it was a girl?" Dean screwed his nose up. "It wasn't _Meg_ , was it? I hope it wasn't Meg."

"It wasn't Meg."

"Was it Charlie?" Dean asked, a wicked chuckle bursting past his lips. "Was your first kiss with a lesbian?"

"It wasn't Charlie," Cas sighed, getting out of bed and putting his notes in their corresponding folders. Pink highlighted notes in the pink folder for module one, yellow highlighted notes in the yellow folder for module two, and so on.

"Mine was Jo."

"Your _cousin?_ "

"She's not my cousin! Not really, anyway. 'Sides, it wouldn't be illegal if she was."

"True," he conceded, taking Dean's beer from him and having a sip before setting it back down on the nightstand. He liked that he and Dean could be so close, even if they weren't as close as he'd like.

"You can tell me, Cas," Dean said, leaning closer to him.

Castiel opened his mouth to speak, but momentarily forgot how. Dean's lips were right in front of him, and distracting. Full, pink, and framed by several days of stubble. Any response he might have given left his mouth in a soft gasp.

"Cas?"

"I..."

"You..?" Dean asked softly, mere inches between them now.

Cas shook his head, scrambling off the bed and putting space between them. "I haven't."

"Haven't what?"

"Haven't _kissed_ anyone!" he admitted. He waited for Dean to laugh, whether in disbelief or because he thought Cas was pathetic.

"Oh," Dean breathed. "Sorry."

"I don't need you to feel sorry for me, Dean," Cas told him sharply. "I'm sure the right man will come along eventually." Except the man he _wanted_ to be the 'right man' was currently staring at him.

"No, I didn't mean..." Dean trailed off, getting to his feet and stumbling over to Cas. "I shouldn't've asked."

Reaching out to steady his friend, Cas caught the faintest whiff of the sweet tang of alcohol on Dean's breath as he spoke.

"Is there someone you _want_ to be your first kiss?"

Cas swallowed. "Yes."

"Who?"

Cas shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

" _Who_ , Cas?" Dean pressed.

Maybe he thought Dean would be too drunk to remember. Maybe he was fed up of hiding his feelings. Maybe he was crazy. "You," he confessed.

Dean stared at him for a long moment. The longer the silence dragged out, the more Cas because convinced that Dean would be angry with him. He started to list all the other people he knew who might be able to offer him a place to stay, when he could have sworn he heard Dean say, _"Good."_

Before he could ask Dean to repeat himself, Dean's mouth was pressed against his own. Gasping, he felt Dean's tongue pushed between his parted lips and his own hands reaching up of their own accord to fist themselves in Dean's hair.

Greedily he kissed his friend back, consequences be damned, because if this would be the only time he got to kiss him then he was going to take advantage of it.

When Dean finally pulled away, dropping his forehead against Castiel's, he said quietly, "I've wanted to do that for a long time."

"Why didn't you?" Cas whispered.

"'Cause I didn't wanna lose you." Dean's voice cracked as he asked, "Did I fuck this up, Cas?"

"No," Cas assured him, shaking his head vigorously. "Not at all."

"I... I _need_ you."

Knowing Dean as he did, Cas knew that this was as close as he was going to get to an _I love you_. "I need you, too," he breathed.

Dean scoffed, unable to look him in the eye. "No-one _needs_ me, Cas."

" _I_ do," Cas told him fiercely. "Who else is going to explain all the movie references I don't understand? Who else is going to wake me up to drive to McDonald's for a burger in the middle of the night?" He licked his lips. "Who else is going to kiss me?"

Dean smiled, albeit reluctantly, and peered at him through long lashes. "You might find someone else to do the first two, but... I'd be kinda upset if you got someone to help you with the third."

"Yeah?" Cas smiled.

"Just a shame I can't have another first kiss with you. _Ever_."

"Maybe we can make this our last first kiss with _anyone_ ," Cas suggested.

Dean yawned before he could reply. "I'm tired."

And just like that, the spell was broken.

"Oh, no you don't," Cas chuckled as Dean moved to collapsed onto his bed. "Clean your teeth first.

Dean yawned again. "But—"

"No buts!"

As Dean brushed his teeth, Cas cleared his bed and slipped beneath the covers and prayed that things wouldn't become awkward between them. He entertained the notion of having to _tell_ Dean that he'd kissed him, and confessed his... Well, not his _love_ but certainly _feelings_ of some kind. As he considered the possible directions that conversation could go, getting progressively more pessimistic, his thoughts were interrupted by Dean clambering into bed beside him. An arm draped over him, then pulled him closed. When Dean nestled down into a comfortable position, his breath warm and comforting on the back of his neck, Cas said, "Um, Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"This is _my_ bed. Yours is over there."

"Yeah."

Mentally Cas shrugged. If Dean didn't have a problem sharing, then neither did he. "Okay. I just wanted to make sure you knew that."

"Well, you were _in_ it, so, I kinda figured."

Cas could swear he felt Dean smiling against his skin.

""'M glad you wanted to kiss me," Dean murmured, his breathing becoming steadier as he drifted off to sleep.

Cas lay awake for a long time, enjoying the feeling of Dean sleeping next to him, and put aside any more doubts he had about his friend's feelings.


End file.
